Grab The Weenie — This is Wacked!


Ok, this is one of those so-called “banned” commercials for the 2010 Superbowl… But it is funny, a little risky and suggestive perhaps — but hey, it is from Wienerschnitzel and is about wieners and hey, New Orleans DID win, right? Fits with the entire celebration genre, right? It is all so VERY WACKED!!!

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Gender-Specific Driving Etiquette


A woman is driving at night on a narrow country road. At the same time, a man is driving in the opposite direction on that same road.

Never underestimate a woman driver!

When they narrowly pass each other at high speed, the woman rolls down her window and loudly shouts – HORSE! Immediately the man shouts back – BITCH!

The man laughs. He is proud to have reacted so quickly to the shouting woman and takes the next turn in the road, maintaining his high speed.

Shoulda listened to the lady, Bubba!

Moral of the story:

Men never listen, and when they do, they don’t understand one word a woman says.

NOW THAT IS WACKED!

Special Thanks to Glenda Gomez for this great pic and story! Bless our e-mail box.

The True Laws Of Life!


Wacked as these may be — These are the True Laws of Life!

Law of Mechanical Repair

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner

Law of Probability

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone

If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal – especially if you dialed from your cell phone!

Law of the Alibi

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will likely have a flat tire.

Variation Law

If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath

When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. When taking a shower with your hair and face totally in suds the water lines will turn off. When taking a warm hot shower the water heater suddenly forgets it is a water heater and changes to cold ice water.

Law of Close Encounters

The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result

When you try to prove to someone that something won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to limit of your reach.

Law of the Theater & Sports Arena

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Law of The Lockers

If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Location

No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument

Anything is possible when you don’t know what you are talking about.

Nixons Law

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Law of Supply and Demand

As soon as you find a product that you really like , they will stop making it. (this one is true every time!)

Doctors Law

If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor. By the time you get there you’ll feel better. But, if you don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick!

The Law of Bargains

The buy of the century always happens when you are flat broke.

Law of the ATM

When you have an emergency and find yourself stranded and broke and miles from any help other than the ATM, the machine will always shred your card.

Taking all into consideration it is no wonder that these laws are ALL WACKED!

But Very True to life!

At That Very Exact Millisecond in Time


Wow — We got these submitted to us by e-mail and well — See for yourself!

At That Very Exact Millisecond in Time — Right Before The Pain And The Shock Sets In!

Crunch! Oh Well, Didn't Need That Arm and Shoulder Anyway!

C'mon! Take it on the chin like a man! Ouch!

C'mon! Take it on the chin like a man! Ouch!

He Flies Through The Air With the Greatest of Ease - Oh Damn!

While Speeding Through Town at 95 mph He Suddenly Heard a Troublesome Snapping Sound In Front!

Talk about Shinsplints -- This Poor Soul is Gonna Need a Shin Splint for Sure!

The Thrill of Racing...The Agony of Being in the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time!

An Entirely New Perspective About WALKING ON WATER! Do you think he made it to the other side? LOL

Oh! When Will They Ever Learn!

OMG! So Much For Having Babies! Now That Has To Hurt!!!

The Stupid Things People Do At That Exact Millisecond in Time When They Wished They Hadn’t !!! Right???

ALL VERY WACKED!!!

HOW TO EDIT YOUR PHOTO FOR FACEBOOK, MYSPACE OR FRIENDSTER


Now Here is an interesting idea, right?

Everyone knows that in order to make a lot of friends you just got to have the right profile photo, right?

Check out this girl — Cute, right?

It is really like those Real Estate People like to tell you:

Location, LOCATION, Location!

Obviously this chickydee is going to get a lot of friend requests, right?

She looks like she has all the “right attributes”, if you know what we mean —

But wait — She attended the That’s Wacked School of Photo Cropping, and well … Got amazing results!!
How She Looked Before Attending Our School!

It is all all about knowing where to crop and what not to crop, LOL…

So now she has lots of friends to share all that “real estate” with — right?

Now you too can learn secret methods to make your pics more appealing for Facebook, Myspace, Friendster or Tagged.

Even if you are having a “Bad Hair” Day!

Well maybe the cropping technique won't help everyone...

Now THAT’S VERY WACKED!

Go Ahead! Make My Day! Buy The Little Lady A Tazer!


LOL — we love our e-mail and all the Wacked Out Things we get in it. This story is such that it is very hard not to smile (let alone laugh) when you read it… But Beware! THIS IS REALLY WACKED! (and stupid too!)

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.

What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety….
WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!

I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5″ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best..

I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, ‘don’t do it dip-shit,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad.

I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room..

Note: If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative!

IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.

My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs… I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I’m still looking for my nuts and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!

P.s… My wife, can’t stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!! NOW THAT IS VERY WACKED!

How To Install the Cheapest but Best Home Security System


LOL… Another E-mail … But looks effective for getting the message across regarding the installation of of a cost effective home security system…

Your Home Security Experts: Cooter, Luke, Bertha and Slim! Don't leave your home with consulting with them first! NOW THAT'S WACKED!!

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,

Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don’t mess with the pit bulls or the German Shepherd; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don’t think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ’em in the house.

Better wait outside. Be right back.

Cooter

A picture is always worth a few thousand words -- right Fido?

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